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SonofJay · **on:** December 29, 2012, 01:06:23 AM

Found this joke this morning and until now I still keep laughing on it!

VERY RARE MOMENT
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a flight from L.A. To New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines And rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists. He explains how the game works. "I ask you a Question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice- Versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily Win the match, so he makes another offer. "If you don't know the Answer, you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

The blonde figures there will be no end to this torment unless she Plays, so she agrees. The lawyer asks, "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

The blonde reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and Hands it to the lawyer Then she asks the lawyer "What goes up a hill With three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer is puzzled. He uses his laptop to search for references. He Taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends emails to his coworkers and Friends. No luck. After an hour, he gives up.

He wakes the blonde and hands her $500
The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is going nuts trying to figure it out, wakes the blonde and asks,"Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Blonde rocks lawyer shocks

s[ub]lime · **Reply #1 on:** December 29, 2012, 02:11:03 AM

Heres a joke:

Whats so good with twenty nine year olds?

Theres twenty of them!

Pedophile jokes!

moyack · **Reply #2 on:** January 01, 2013, 08:17:35 AM

I'm bad at jokes... just forgive me

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"

Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"

s[ub]lime · **Reply #3 on:** January 01, 2013, 10:05:10 AM

Another one:

A horse walks into a bar. The bar keeper asks, "Why the long face"? The horse, unable to understand english, exits the bar and kicks a table or two.

That was an anti-joke

moyack · **Reply #4 on:** January 01, 2013, 12:12:38 PM

SonofJay · **Reply #5 on:** January 02, 2013, 05:07:12 AM

An angry wife to her husband on phone.
Wife: Where the hell are you?
Husband: Honey, you remember that gold shop where you saw the diamond necklace & totally fell in love with it?
Wife (relaxed): Yes, my king
Husband: Remember I had no cash to buy it for you that day & I said I will buy it for you one day?
Wife (totally relaxed with a smile & a blush):Yes I remember my love!
Husband: Good, I am in a beer bar next to that shop!

SonofJay · **Reply #6 on:** January 02, 2013, 05:12:40 AM

Here is another one

A white man 80 years of age married a young lady.

A year later he carried her to the hospital, and she had a baby.

The nurse said to the man: ‘At your age, how do you do that?’

The man answered: ‘You just have to keep the motor running’.

Another year passes, and the man carries her back to the hospital, another baby.

The same nurse said to the man and asked: ‘You are something else, how do you do that?’.

He said: ‘I told you that you just have to keep the motor running’.

Another year and back to the hospital for another baby.

The same nurse said: ‘You are unbelievable, how do you do that?!’.

He said: ‘You got to keep the motor running’.

She answered: ‘Well, you better change oil, because this one came out black’

s[ub]lime · **Reply #7 on:** January 02, 2013, 05:52:15 AM

I have more anti-jokes! Here:

Q: Whats red and smells like blue paint?

A: Red Paint.

----

Knock knock.

Whos there?

To.

To Who?

To whom.

----

Whats green and has wheels?

Grass, I lied about the wheels.

Yeah, they're not meant to be funny.

SonofJay · **Reply #8 on:** February 11, 2013, 10:51:32 PM

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the woman a "bitch" and the woman called the man a "bastard".

Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".
Their son walked in and asked"What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked"What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself,"Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

moyack · **Reply #9 on:** February 12, 2013, 09:49:51 PM

HAHAA!!! Awesome!!!!

SonofJay · **Reply #10 on:** February 13, 2013, 12:38:22 AM

Well, here I have another one.

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"

"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.

"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."

The second nun said, "Well, yesterday, I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."

"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.

"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.

The third nun said, "Oh shit."